https://pacbilly.com/categories/descriptions/ en Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:49:13 -0600 https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/bards-tale-on-the-classic.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:49:13 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/bards-tale-on-the-classic.html <p><em>video description, 2026-01-18</em></p> <p>There’s a surprising scarcity of YouTube coverage on this version of our beloved Bard’s Tale, and nature abhors a vacuum, so let’s go au naturel for this one and hate our Hoovers together. Butt nekkid of course. Remember—you’re on the honor’s system in regard to both your nakedness and your Hoover hatred. I, for one, am lying about both.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/72CeUPyxkJY">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/somewhat-spoilery-c-bards-tale.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:46:58 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/somewhat-spoilery-c-bards-tale.html <p><em>video description, 2026-01-11</em></p> <p>When you start typing a video description, you never know where it&rsquo;ll take you. Well, I know just where this one will take me. I Know Where I&rsquo;m Going, starring Wendy Hiller and Roger Livesey. Mairzy doats and dozy doats and little Roger Livesey. Well buckle up, Roger, because this video description is taking you to spoiler town. Well, the video is at any rate. The description is more of a warning that several plot twists of the third and greatest Bard&rsquo;s Tale game are likely to be spoiled by this video in the most unceremonious manner possible. That&rsquo;s a strong claim, and one we can back up with evidence. For you see, Ms. Hiller, long before you portrayed whomever you portrayed in Anne of Avonlea, you were known to consort with the Archers, Monsieurs Powell and Pressburger themselves. And Anthony Asquith, whose later &lsquo;The Browning Version&rsquo; comes highly recommended by your humble Youtuber. Michael Redgrave will break your heart in that one. He&rsquo;ll haul on off and break your heart. A few Asquith offerings later, and Rex Harrison won&rsquo;t break your heart in The Yellow Rolls Royce, one of those anthology pictures whose stories grow more tedious as the movie wears on. Luckily, when Rex Harrison isn&rsquo;t breaking your heart, he&rsquo;s getting his own broken, and it&rsquo;s at least intriguing enough to sit through. Though by the final story, the Ingrid Bergman one, you find yourself getting restless. The Rolls by that point has seen better days anyway. So has Ingrid, come to think. What was I saying again? Ah yes, spoiler alert. Or words to that effect. To the one or two of you it&rsquo;s likely to matter to.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/b9VLdMch6dM">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/054432.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:44:32 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/054432.html <p><em>video description, 2025-10-31</em></p> <p>You ole pilaster of piaris. In the capital of France they just call it “Plaster of…” And then the Frenchie they’re talking to dies waiting for them to finish. Fortunately that particular Frenchie was gravely ill anyway, due to die at any moment. And by Frenchie I don’t mean French person. I mean someone in the midst of French-kissing the person who came to the intensive care ward to tell them about plaster of… Well, you know. I’d best not tell you because I’m not in the mood to catch your cooties from a sloppy tongue kiss. I mean, that’s why you’re in the intensive care ward in the first place. If only one day they might find a cure for cooties. The best way is to withhold money from the cootie charities unless they promise to hurry up and cure it right after they get the donation. It’s like offering someone a cookie, withdrawing it just as they make a grab, and saying, “Promise to be my best friend?” If you don’t believe this is how it works, just you try to catch polio. Go on. I’ll wait.</p> <p>Not so easy, is it? And that’s because Polio Boy wanted a cookie and was willing to do anything to get it. Even cure the world of himself. And so now we have cooties instead, and one less cookie. Too bad, too. It was the cookie I was hoping to get. I’d hope to get another one instead but I don’t think there are any other ones. In fact that was the only one. The last one I needed to complete my collection… of one. I’m a completist, you know. Collect ‘em, trade ‘em, race ‘em. The cookie takes the checkered flag! And last place. And all the places in the middle.</p> <p>Now that I have your ear, remember — cookie is just a single letter off cootie, so imagine what might happen if the alphabet truck crashes. We might have all kinds of French kiss diseases floating around. Everywhere except in France, where they just call it kissing.</p> <p>¿Bésame mucho, eh? Bésame mucho, die Freundin.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/z84_UGSe-bo">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/creating-the-ultimate-japanese-kiwi.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:42:13 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/creating-the-ultimate-japanese-kiwi.html <p><em>video description, 2025-09-17</em></p> <p>If you don’t love this jingle with me, there’s something wrong and you need to visit a psychiatrist. Get addicted to the meds that make you love it even more than me. Then get addicted to the meds that make you fly to Japan and send me a decent copy so I don’t have to do this in the first place. Then force feed or inject me with the meds that make me go back in time and tell me what you did for me so that I never embark on this silly endeavor to begin with. Then give time the meds that make it not explode from the resulting paradox.</p> <p>Seriously, folks, if you want a copy of this song for your own enjoyment and perusal, email me and I’ll send it on. My name at gmail.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/8UHS6nbKTKI">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/c-musketeer-a-showcase.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:39:33 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/c-musketeer-a-showcase.html <p><em>video description, 2025-08-18</em></p> <p>This video’s release was delayed because I hadn’t written a description yet. Well, I’ve written it now, haven’t I? Hmm, yes, well. That’ll show it. That’ll show it not to mess with the likes of Theodore J. Poughkeepsake. Not to be confused with Alan J. Pakula, but yes to be confused with Scottan J. Bakula, starring Dean Stockwell as the Boy with the Green Hair. The first anti-war protester. Green hair means don’t put. Yes, don’t put war. Instead, put green hair. Child actor Dean Stockwell was in a number of other movies, like the one Ricky Nelson was in instead of him, where Ricky Nelson wasn’t old enough for Leslie Caron until he took some grown-up juice and now he was old enough. It was Big before Big. Well anyway, remember child actor Dean Stockwell’s performance in that? If you do, well done. Because there wasn’t one. At least not by Dean Stockwell. I think he was too busy loading up at the craft services table. Stockwell was survived by his dog, his dad, his dag and his pogs. He’ll forever be remembered as the best part of Blue Velvet. The craft services table was survived by grownup actor Dean Stockwell, and will forever be remembered as the blest bloart of green hairvet, the anti-blue war boy.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/N1AZ0KCa-Ws">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/analog-rambledotes-or-what-i.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:36:43 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/analog-rambledotes-or-what-i.html <p><em>video description, 2025-08-04</em></p> <p>Simkins Lambastiture had had enough, and to be perfectly frank I had had enough of Simkins Lambastiture. So I stabbed it. Not him, but it. For you see, Simkins Lamastiture was a corn puff. Now I know what you’re thinking—how was a corn puff ever elected to the House of Commons? Well, I ask you—can you think of anything more common than a corn puff? Of course you can. But that doesn’t stop them from trying to appear more common than they are. And what better way to appear that common than to reside in the house of it? So after a half-hearted campaign in which the opposing candidate was blackmailed into dropping out of the race, Simkins Lambastiture found itself on the floor of Parliament, wondering how it might obtain a corn-puff tailored little red cape and a wig like the corn puffs in the other house were so privileged to wear. So its very first act as a Parliamentarian was to veto anything that wasn’t a bill allowing little red capes and wigs for all. Now you and I both know how futile it is for someone in this office to attempt a veto, but Simkins Lambastiture had no prior governmental experience. And its constituents were growing restless at all the partisan gridlock it was causing, so they elected me to steal away into the shadows and stab Simkins Lambastiture when it least expected it. And so I did. Stabbed the poor little thing right in its corn puff shoulders. But the twist to this story, dear reader, is that the knife with which I performed said stab was in truth made entirely out of a most soothing lotion. Yes, lotion. In fact it was so soothing that one wonders how it retained its knife shape until the appointed time. Yet I swear to you it did. Right up until I stabbed, at which point it sort of melted away into the corn puff’s skin, causing it a dreadful amount of tension release. It was really more of a massage than a stabbing, come to think. As you might imagine, the chemistry was instant and intense. And now we’re terribly, terribly happy together.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/fykmBdnD62U">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/delirious-c-suckage-hate-and.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:34:31 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/delirious-c-suckage-hate-and.html <p><em>video description, 2025-07-08</em></p> <p>Remember when life was simple, when shoes only came in your dad’s size, and your dad was a centaur who didn’t wear shoes in the first place? Well remember no more with new Tanpant Pantangelo. Tanpant Pantangelo is made from a new industrial grade polyponnesian macrofibre, hand-forsaken by a roadside near you, now showing in slitrovision, the 128x1 aspect ratio the whole family can’t enjoy. With Tanpant Pantangelo, your Susan B. Anthony will be BEGGING you to honor her with a commemorative silver dollar. No more messy wheat pennies, peat whennies or two-headed quarters for you, Jazzdoink. You’ll be rolling around naked in silver-cast Susan B. Anthony heads, each one looking commemoratively to the side to protect your modesty, something you obviously don’t care about yourself.</p> <p>So care about it yourself with new Tanpant Pantangelo, now in three vomit-inducing flavors to suit even the least discriminating connoisseur. Baked by the Manson family.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/THDvNu7qxhk">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/testing-my-new-camera-tripod.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:32:51 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/testing-my-new-camera-tripod.html <p>*video description, 2025-07-</p> <p>You may be wondering why you’re not as cool as me. Well, for one thing, I’m the ultimate rebate boy. Oh sure, there are other rebate boys. Buying goods from the manufacturer, filling in the requisite forms, and then mailing them off in the hopes that six to eight weeks later a check reiumbursing them for most of their cost will arrive in the post. But have these other rebate boys ever stopped to consider what sets me, their absolute superior in every way, apart from the Greebaet Unwashed?</p> <p>Of course they haven’t, you twingemaster. You master of twinge. If you’d only stop mastering twinge all the livelong day and pause to consider what makes me such an ultimate rebate boy, you might have your answer by now. But you don’t have an answer yet, and you most likely never will. Always on your knees, praying to the god of the potato sack race you know doesn’t exist, hoping that the earnestness of your prayers may just will him into existence. Pathetic.</p> <p>Sanctimonious twingemaster. What would they say down at the potato sack race if they knew you were blaspheming their god by wanting him to exist? His nonexistence is the reason they all converted to Potatosackracerianism in the first place. Don’t ruin it by bringing your Ludwig von Chick Tracts to the fellowship pancake breakfast and driving out all the zealots. Nail your demands to the wall of the church and then fork off into some form of potatorotestantism.</p> <p>Meanwhile, I’ll be mailing in all the best rebates. That’ll show you.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/1ALeACBNdyc">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/blanka-the-beast-featuring-david.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:31:38 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/blanka-the-beast-featuring-david.html <p><em>video description, 2025-03-19</em></p> <p>Tale as old as time… Tale as old as time… Tale as old as time… Tale as old as time… Blanka and the Beeeeeeeeeeee—oh but hang on, you say! Blanka IS a beast, my fine Joey Featherton’d aficionado. And you’d be plumb right, Señor. A beast he may well be, but he ain’t THE Beast. That honor belongs to he what casts a Shadow. And a vijdya gaim, not about him, but about said shadow. Right Said Freddow. &ldquo;I’m too beastly for my shirt.&rdquo; And he WAS, you know. Right up until the third game he was too beastly for anything but a loincloth. And even then he wore pantaloons, boots, a hat and a backpack, BUT NO SHIRT. Think of the chaffing… Which is why we bring you NeuroPlatter, the thinking man’s chaffing dish. When was the last time the thinking man chaffed without his favorite dish? Well, chaff away, thinking man, knowing that all your sloughed-off skin will be caught by one of our fine artisan-crafted receptacles.</p> <p>Now receptaclete, both of you. That’s it. Easy does it. Mind the NeuroPlatter!</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/jOlhpKREt-g">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/the-imperfect-state-of-c.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:29:27 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/the-imperfect-state-of-c.html <p><em>video description, 2025-03-13</em></p> <p>Why doesn’t the most popular computer of all time have a better version of the most popular game of all time? We’re not going to answer that question in this video, but we are going to propose solutions, so that our children and our children’s children don’t have to live in a world where Pac-Man and the Commodore 64 do not live in harmony, side-by-side on my piano keyboard oh lord why don’t we….. I don’t know why you don’t, Paul, but Stevie, Paul is cheating on you with Michael Jackson, and to a lesser extent, Michael’s sister. You thought you were the only one he was dueting with? Why, heavens no, and I’ve got the music video to prove it! But it wasn’t just Say Say Say. No… Paul even guested on The Girl is Mine, right there in plain sight on Side A of Thriller! How dare you flaunt it so callously, Paul? How dare you? It’s crazy to think those two powerhouses were both making music in the 60s and wouldn’t meet until years later though. If I had to pick a favorite Beatles song, it’d probably be Side 2 of Abbey Road. If I had to pick a favorite Jackons song, it would probably be the one narrated by that deep voice boy, where they’re all giants and they’re peppering gleam all over everyone’s heads to make the world a better place.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/MqWzUxs_4XE">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/cdouble-dribble-embarrassment.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:27:07 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/cdouble-dribble-embarrassment.html <p><em>video description, 2025-03-07</em></p> <p>As I write this, I’m listening to the soothing sounds of the Seeburg 1000 background music streaming radio station. I can’t recommend it highly enough. All the way up to the top? Still not enough! You may think me a stern taskmaster, but I like to think of myself as a Howard Stern taskmaster. Tote that barge, Howard Stern! Lift that bail! And when you’re done, eat some taskmuenster. Yes, Taskmuenster—the indentured servitude cheese, preferred by 6 out of 3 servitudinal indentities. Your body needs calcium for strong bones and constipation for having an excuse not to tote that barge or lift that bail because you’ve been on the toilet for hours, trying to pass another death star through the sarlac pit. Just don’t sit on the toilet too long after you’re finished, or Boba Fett may go up in there. Boba Fett here being a metaphor for pin worms. I told you not to eat out of the sandbox, Cad Bane and Aurra Sing, or Boba Fett will go up in there. Oh well, c’est la vie. Brian Wilson kept a piano in his sandbox. Did you know that? I wonder if pin worms contributed to his first emotional breakdown or the second one that brought his SMiLE progress to a halt and deprived the world of one of what might have been the greatest record of the 1960s. What it didn’t deprive the world of was the Seeburg 1000 background music streaming station. Give it a listen and tell me in the comments what to think. You Robin Quivers taskmistress, you!</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/caQAt2pnQVc">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/c-burgertime-until-my-camera.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:24:18 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/c-burgertime-until-my-camera.html <p><em>video description, 2025-03-04</em></p> <p>Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the world of BurgerTime, where you play the strapping young restaurateur, Jonathan BurgerTime, as he travels to a time when burgers roamed the earth, constructing a vast array of ladders in order to see over the heads of their schoolmates, who were held back several years and consequently much taller than the other meat patties in their grade. Witness the startling peppering of&hellip; Hey, I&rsquo;m breaking the fourth wall right now to tell you that You Still Believe In Me from Pet Sounds is stuck in my head. The &ldquo;I wanna cry&rdquo; row-row-row-your-boat circular ending of that song is magnificent. Magnificent, I tell you. Alright. Go make a meat patty out of yourself and see over your own head. Meat Patty Hearst. &ldquo;Oh hi, Ms. Hearst, it looks like you&rsquo;re being kidnapped at the moment. Just let me know when you&rsquo;re all-the-way kidnapped and can we resume this meating at your earliest inconvenience.&rdquo;</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/nWtJ-K3aENo">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/pacbillys-yuletide-return-to-dark.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:22:03 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/pacbillys-yuletide-return-to-dark.html <p><em>video description, 2024-12-29</em></p> <p>Last year’s video got 144 views, which isn’t remotely worth the agony of playing. Let’s see if we can get that number down to double digits this year, something that makes me even more apathetic about the state of things and prompts me to shut down the channel altogether. Come on, Trent. We can do this. All you have to do is not watch. Close your eyes or cover them with your hands or the hands of a loved one. Google watches you pleasure yourself anyway, so they’ll probably see your eyes are covered and deduct a view. Good riddance, view! And good riddance to this series and this channel.</p> <p>I’m only kidding. I would never do that to you, especially since you’ve been stricken with blindness. Self-inflicted, easily remedied hands-over-the-eyes blindness, but still.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/nG8miu_Evoo">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/051607.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:16:07 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/051607.html <p><em>video description, 2023-10-31</em></p> <p>Yes, I was using the microphone on my webcam, clear across town, rather than the mic I thought I was using, mere inches from my mouth. I don’t care whether you forgive me or not, frankly. I’m not sorry, and I’m not sorry for butchering your name, Mitch Crane. I butchered your name into tiny pieces, Mitch Crane, and now there are only two syllables left, to be divided amongst your name&rsquo;s heirs.</p> <p>Its son took the syllable Mitch and enjoys going on long walks on the beach and not having any legs for going on long walks on the beach. Its other son, the beach, took the syllable Crane and enjoys stealing its older brother’s legs lest he subject him to another walking-on. I mean a walk-on bit role in the latest episode of Columbo, where Peter Falk’s corpse says, “One more thing. You know, my wife loves murdering. Do you suppose she’s the murderer instead of you, who I plainly watched do it? Do you suppose that, the beach?! TELL ME.”</p> <p>Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it was The Beach Crane, in the parlor with the lead pipe, wearing a blue sweatsuit provided by Adrian. Sweatsuits by Adrian, read the credits. Now go watch the documentary about Adrian. Seriously, there’s a documentary about Adrian of Gowns by Adrian fame. If only I had a mononym. If I was the older brother, my mononym could be Mitch. But woe and alas, I AM my older brother and it is Mitch.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/7dah6Pa_7_I">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/all-hallows-return-to-dark.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:11:36 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/all-hallows-return-to-dark.html <p><em>video description, 2022-11-01</em></p> <p>This time, Rupert, we’re sacking the Christmas thumbie. I’m sorry, Rupert, but Halloween thumbie just doesn’t have the right ring to it, so I’m going to insist we call it the Christmas thumbie. In point of fact, not being the Christmas thumbie was the very reason we’ve sacked it, Rupert. Rupert, are you listening to me?</p> <p>Bonnie, Rupert appears to be dead. What’s that, dear? Oh no, I don’t think we need an ambulance. Maybe a fire truck, as he appears to be on fire. Bonnie, do you suppose that had anything to do with his death? Appearing to be on fire?</p> <p>Why, I appear to be on fire now as well. Do you think my appearing to be on fire has anything to do with actually being on fire, Bonnie?</p> <p>The parts of me that appear on fire also seem to be in grievous pain, Bonnie. Do you think they truly ARE in pain? Because I’m planning to scream, you know, Bonnie, but I don’t wish to do so without good reason.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/GavT1-e-SCo">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/050900.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:09:00 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/050900.html <p><em>video description, 2022-10-28</em></p> <p>Hey you remember that Foreigner boy I mean that other boy from the band Survivor you know the co-founder of it who couldn’t remember which band was which well somebody done resurrected the cameraman and put him plum smack dab in the smackdab which you’ll know from science is among the best dabs of all time right up there with stab I mean sdab because you’re American and you don’t differentiate your t sounds from your d sounds when you type I mean you ton’d tifferendiade your d sounts from your t sounts there that’s better isn’t that better Jeremy oh wait you’re not Jeremy forgive me I thought you were Jeremy and not only that but I thought you co-founded the band Loveryboy but it turns out that Jeremy didn’t even co-found anything least of all Loverboy but he was American you know so he never tifferendiaded his ps and qs I mean his ts and ds oh let me start over mind your ts and ds Jeremy lest you co-found something like Loverboy or Dracula coming to sink his deedh indo Jim Peterik or some such co-foundress I mean co-founder sorry about that I’m American so I don’t differentiate between founders and foundresses or matters and mattresses, for that matter—I mean for that mattress.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/EnuVckfBMvY">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/dracbilly-plays-vampiyah-suhviyvuhs-part.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:06:55 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/dracbilly-plays-vampiyah-suhviyvuhs-part.html <p><em>video description, 2022-10-25</em></p> <p>In this game some Dracula or something like that sunk his teeth into Survivor co-founder Jim Peterik just as he was about to sing Urgent which as you know is a Foreigner song but Jim couldn’t remember which band was which so they had to hire a tiger and zoom in on its eye but every time the cameraman got too close the tiger would kill him and nobody told the cameraman that the camera had one of those zoom lenses so he would run up to the tiger each time and each time the tiger would kill him but luckily this only happened once of course because he was already dead after the first time so they decided to pull him on a string I mean his dead body you know pull it on the end of a string with the camera in his hands except not in the hands of the string you know just tie this poor dead cameraman to the end of a string and rest the running camera on his chest and run toward that tiger with the camera and cameracorpse on the end of that string and then wouldn’t you know it every single time the guy running with the string would run right smack into that tiger and get killed by it.</p> <p>The moral of the story? Co-found Foreigner instead.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/WWDfMk4r4iQ">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/22/dracbillys-all-hallows-return-to.html Sun, 22 Feb 2026 05:05:08 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/22/dracbillys-all-hallows-return-to.html <p><em>video description, 2022-10-21</em></p> <p>Yes, friends, we rejoin our hapless hero as he plunges headlong once again into the love/hate tempest that is his relationship with Return to Dark Castle, a game everyone but killgruz has long since stopped playing. Yet today, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a special milestone in our hero’s treaculating progress—an acquisition widely regarded as a hurdle hitherto unscalable, a powerup necessary to complete the game, though completing it isn’t likely to happen for years to come, at this rate anyway.</p> <p>Now that I have your attention, please let me talk to you about Truthpaste, ladies and gentlemen, yes Truthpaste—the only toothpaste about which it’s necessary to lie. No longer will you have the trust of your parents as you tell them that, yes, in fact, you did brush your teeth. For you see, every mouth with which Truthpaste comes into contact is compelled to tell only falsehoods, thanks to that one glistening drop of retsyn and a new type of decptifluoride that only we at Truthpaste Holdings can see and hear.</p> <p>‘Sure, Baxter, but does it clean my teeth?’ I hear you say. We’ll let the testimonials speak for themselves:</p> <p>“No, officer, I didn’t just chop up the postman and bury bits of him all over my garden, wherever it appeared might be a good place to grow tomatoes, even though I should have because my brutally slain, chopped-up postman was made of tomatoes, you know.”</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/FlU2_DfRZuw">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/colorcorrecting-old-photos-with-a.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:43:08 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/colorcorrecting-old-photos-with-a.html <p><em>video description, 2022-10-17</em></p> <p>This is a photo editing session my friend and I collaborated on about a year ago over screen sharing. I was in Alaska and she was thousands of miles from Alaska. Why am I subjecting you to it? Because I haven’t bothered to record any Halloween content yet, so shut up. Just shut up. Just shut all the way up, and when you’ve found you can no longer shut any further than your current level of upness, keep shutting. Keep on shutting and shutting and, yes, even shutting. When you’re done shutting, you may retire to a small cottage where there will be punch served, and little cakes, oh those little diabetes cakes you love so much. There’s nothing like a moist little diabetes cake after a good hard shut.</p> <p>You know who had diabetes was that Mary Tyler Moore. She caught it from Mary Tyler Somebodyelse. I had a crush on both of them. But don’t worry; I didn’t eat after them. That’s a surefire way to catch diabetes, if you ask me—eating moist cakes after both Maries Tyler Moore and Somebodyelse, respectively.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/XIS7Azoyuso">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/bards-tale-trilogy-starter-tips.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:40:55 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/bards-tale-trilogy-starter-tips.html <p><em>video description, 2022-09-29</em></p> <p>The Bard’s Tale Trilogy Remastered is everything I’d hoped it would be, managing to maintain the spirit of the original games while adding several of quality-of-life improvements. However, if you play with all the new features of the default setup, the game becomes way too easy from the outset and quickly grows tedious. It’s almost as though the publishers want you to speed through the original trilogy so you can make it to the vastly inferior fourth game, which this remaster was originally released to promote.</p> <p>In this video I make recommendations that should help pace the game’s challenge a bit better, as well as its reward system. Also included are a few considerations to keep in mind when building your first party and setting out on your quest. Please also bear in mind that I have no idea what I’m talking about, and you’re likely to enjoy the game more if you ignore everything I say.</p> <p>You may begin by ignoring this. Wait, don’t ignore that. I need to start again. Oh, but if you’ve already started ignoring me, anything I say henceforth will also be ignored. How do I get you to pay attention to me again? After 20 years of marriage, how do I get you to pay attention to me again? I could spice things up with a sexy costume. Or poison you like in that Paul Thomas Anderson fashion movie. Why don’t I just cut out the middleman and poison that Paul Thomas Anderson fashion costume? Who even let the middleman in here in the first place? Oh middleman, middleman, wherefore must thou ignorest me?</p> <p>Now get out. I have costumes to poison.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/1BWfWYQPd0c">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/nueve-nueve.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:38:34 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/nueve-nueve.html <p><em>video description, 2022-08-24</em></p> <p>I’m not even going to mention the software I’m taking a look at here because heaven forbid an actual member of the program’s target demographic were to tune in for this crap.</p> <p>Also, consider those among you who bother to read the comments officially warned about the oversharing in this video. It contains a graphic depiction of the traumatic experience I underwent the morning of its posting. For a full refund, write to: Burrell’s Transcripts, PO Booboo Leeleelee H9792, please include a self-addressed stamped self, the self-same self that’s your own self. Stamp yourself, address yourself to yourself, and then mail yourself. When the recipient opens the package, tell him you want a full refund. That’ll be Burrell, and he won’t know what the hell you’re talking about because he’s just a lowly transcriptionist, transcribing booboo and leelee* day after miserable day as he slowly claws his way up Mount Decrepitude, off whose cliff we must all inevitably plummet, into the merciful embrace of nonexistence.</p> <p>*<em>Burrell considers transcription of the third lee a waste of his talents.</em></p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/HaOXxZGAWvU">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/halfassed-monthsold-video-of-pacman.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:36:10 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/halfassed-monthsold-video-of-pacman.html <p><em>video description, 2022-08-12</em></p> <p>This Vishnu-forsaken piece of video has been sitting dormant on my phone for the last several months, but now, just like the cicada that is its spirit animal, it has hatched and is ready to come up to the surface, only to be eaten by a predator whose spawning cycles have evolved to match that of its most sought-after prey—this video. Let us bow our heads and prey: O video, we come to evolve our spawning cycles so that every 17 years, just when you’re hoping to come to the surface and begin your life, we are also coming to the surface and hoping to begin ending your life. Amen.</p> <p>And now, brothers and sisters, this description has ended. You may go in peace to love and serve… an entrée of braised this video.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/sA5cCO8oM6c">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/snk-vs-capcom-a-showcase.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:33:39 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/snk-vs-capcom-a-showcase.html <p><em>video description, 2022-04-24</em></p> <p>In the beginning of this video, I make the delirium-induced mistake of attempting to call the game SNA vs. Capcom. I was actually spelling snail, S-N-A… and then that’s where I always lock up. I choke. Right there at the penultimate letter. I get flashbacks to my third grade spelling bee, when I was in the middle of spelling snail and an actual bee started coming up to me. The stinging sort. I tried to convey the urgency of my predicament by gesticulating wildly to the onlooking assemblage, but because I was in the middle of spelling snail, everyone thought I was trying to signal that a snail was coming up to me and not a bee.</p> <p>“Just get out of the way!” the other kids’ parents called to me from the audience. “It’s just a snail! You have plenty of time!”</p> <p>In the end, tragically, there was nothing I could do. The bee wound up coming up to me, all the way up to me, and we’ve been the best of friends ever since. So why did I feel compelled to spell snail again at the beginning of this video? Well, it so happens that as I began to speak, I looked off in the distance and saw what I supposed was another bee coming up to me. Damn thing gave me flashbacks. But in the end it turned out to be a radish. Now that it’s all the way up to me, we’re both just sort of looking around awkwardly because it’s woefully unskilled in the art of conversation, quite frankly.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/7b6kUbgE8Lk">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/pacbillys-all-hallows-return-to.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:30:31 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/pacbillys-all-hallows-return-to.html <p><em>video description, 2021-11-01</em></p> <p>As I type this, it’s 12:30 on Monday, November 1. What does this mean for you, the viewer? It means that I need you to be best friends with me. I’m having a hard time being clever because I’m jet lagged, and right now it feels like all my energy is leaking out through those parts of my face we in television refer to as the cheeks. You might have heard of the cheeks. That’s where Reynold carries the nuts he’s hoping to store for winter. But old Mr. Cadash-Cadaver down at the bank won’t give poor Reynold the necessary safe deposit box. I don’t know why. Maybe old Mr. Cadash-Cadaver is bigoted against chipmunks. Whatever the case, no safe deposit box for you, ethnic-slur-for-chipmunk. Dude, just call him Reynold. Do you have any idea how many nuts he’s able to hold in his cheeks? Upwards of one. If that doesn’t earn your respect, I don’t know what will.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/xlYQoHGj-CQ">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/lady-pac-a-showcase.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:27:58 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/lady-pac-a-showcase.html <p><em>video description, 2021-10-21</em></p> <p>That’s a good point, Rupert, and I’m glad you brought it up. Why is it that the FLYING buttresses are the only buttresses that get any measure of recognition in this town? Unsung are the standing on one leg buttress, the overslept, missed its Monday meeting and is now fired from its accounting job at the toe stub factory buttress, the buttress that began to panic because it can’t breathe but later realized it didn’t need to in the first place since it’s only a buttress, the time is running out for me to finish this video description so I can go to Safeway and get some more half-n-half for my coffee buttress, the also remember to get seltzer while you’re there buttress. Why, I hear there’s even a buttress that has diarrhoea! My mistake. It was a buttOCK that has diarrhoea. Yes, just the one buttock. Your guess is as good as mine as to how it manages such an impressive feat without a second buttock or any of the other accoutrements needed to practice the diarrhoeal arts. But there it was, a single buttock, spraying diarrhoea all over the rest of us at that toe stub factory Monday accounting meeting. Some days you wish you’d just overslept and missed work altogether. All of us who attended the meeting that Monday wound up getting fired for being covered in diarrhoea anyway. And who do you think they hired to replace us? BUTTRESSES! I swear, these damn buttresses, they come to this country, they don’t bother to learn the language, don’t bother to get covered in diarrhoea, and then they take our maximum wage jobs away from hard-working, diarrhoea-covered accountants who are beginning to panic because they can’t breathe but later realize they don’t need to breathe in the first place since they’re only accountants.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/qWERps65p6w">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/zeta-wing-a-showcase.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:25:52 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/zeta-wing-a-showcase.html <p><em>video description, 2021-10-14</em></p> <p>“Mother, father… gather round me, won’t you?” You prance regally in through the front door of your family hovel and stand before your parents. “I wish you both to know that a cuttlefish needs to get into my mouth so that I may live out my destiny as a cuttlefish mouth. For I have come of age. And this, you see, is my one true vocation.”</p> <p>Your parents merely stare at you.</p> <p>“That’s right, puh-PAH (accent on the second syllable). A cuttlefish mouth, the owner of a mouth a with a cuttlefish in it. Have you such a mouth, puh-PAH?”</p> <p>Both parents only carried on staring.</p> <p>“It’s too bad we’re the only hovel left. Too bad the dragon has burned the others to the ground. Too bad my peers all came of age years ago, and I, decades older than I have any right to be, have yet to come of it. Well, puh-PAH. I must tell you that on this day in order for me to fulfill the destiny of my mouth, and for my mouth to fulfill the destiny of me, that I must become a cuttlefish mouth. Someone who owns a mouth with a cuttlefish in it. I know, both muh-MAH and puh-PAH, that cuttlefish aren’t known for getting in mouths, and this is why I fear I must set out in search of just the one. Just the right cuttlefish for my mouth. The mouth that’s about to have a cuttlefish in it.”</p> <p>It was then that you realized your parents were dead.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/I4RTHYR4Dnk">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/galaga-for-the-c-a.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:23:53 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/galaga-for-the-c-a.html <p><em>video description, 2021-10-09</em></p> <p><strong>Tsunami or Bear: Which is better to have come up to you?</strong> by Lord Richard Buttock Saint-Chutney</p> <p>The debate over bears and tsunami about which is better to have come up to you has raged for years, and since neither side has claimed victory, let us consider this the definitive treatise on the matter, driving the final nail into the coffin of the discussion once and for all.</p> <p>Regarding tsunamis and bears, when considering which one is better to have come up to you, it’s important to first consider distance. Most tsunami need to travel quite a distance before coming all the way up to you. Indeed it could be argued that a tsunami must begin coming up to you before it could even be counted as a tsunami. And then you have your own location to consider. Are you somewhere way high up? Halfway up a mountain, for instance? Now what if a bear lives on that mountain, and it’s coming up to you from the other direction? It has been noted by several scholars that bears can often detect tsunamis, and if you happen to be in a place that one of them is coming up to, a bear would probably opt to come up to something else, something away from the tsunami. But what if the bear was hungry, and you were carrying a Snickers bar, the bear’s favourite? Keep in mind that it’s also the tsunami’s favorite, but it really doesn’t matter since that particular tsunami doesn’t have any choice in whether it comes up to you or not. So now you’re halfway up a mountain, and a tsunami has already started coming up to you. The bear, who’s the other halfway up, smells Snickers.</p> <p>It should be noted that bears possess an excellent sense of smell. Just one sense of smell shared among all bears. A bear can smell toothpaste inside the tube from a mile off. Take this to mind next time you see hundreds of grizzlies gathered in a circle two miles in diameter, inhaling through their noses. That’s when you know there’s some toothpaste a mile away, at the center of the circle. Why, just how do you think toothpaste was discovered in the first place? Some brave pioneer was trying to use a giant protractor to draw out the bear smelling circle. Imagine his surprise when the pointy end stabbed right through the heart of an unsuspecting Colgate tube. That’s why today we floss with only half the normal length of string on St. Fluoride’s Day. The tube was survived by its wife, actress Jane Seymour, and its son from a previous marriage, Jane Seymour, Jr. A small interdenominational funerary service will be held on the second Thursday of every month. In lieu of sending flowers, the family ask that those wishing to express their condolences rub lotion all over themselves.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/Ub0BOepvQE8">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/analog-anecdotes-and-friendship-time.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:20:15 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/analog-anecdotes-and-friendship-time.html <p><em>video description, 2021-08-14</em></p> <p>Oh PupTent, you can finally thank your lucky stars! Thank your lucky stars, PupTent, because Amalgamated Protuberance has finally released FOOTBUST 2.0. Yes, FOOTBUST 2.0 is the only herbicide guaranteed to contain levels of chloromoronofilthiquine sufficient to critically poison both humans and their pets. What this video lacks in Analog Anecdote execution (I was exhausted and lying in bed as I made it), it makes up for in Friendship Time cuteness. Also my artwork is so amazing that you should buy it at Christie’s auction house for eleventy zillions of dollars. Well, if you want a free one, you can email my username at gmail for a signed, numbered print, complete with fungible token. In fact, the token is so fungible it&rsquo;s likely to have already been funged. Please be on the lookout for it. It looks invisible, exactly like I didn’t send you one. But rest assured: I didn’t. And now if you gentlemen will excuse me, I am going to pass right out.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/D66MACv6Lpw">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/211758.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:17:58 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/211758.html <p><em>video description, 2021-07-17</em></p> <p>Listen Donna, I’m going to put some porpoise lipstick on that porpoise over there and take it to the opera instead of you. Yes, Donna, I’m doing it to hurt you the way you’ve hurt me, but I’m also doing it to save your life. I know it sounds like I’m being vindictive, and I am, but I’m also saving your life, because you, Donna, are a sablefish. A porpoise will survive much longer at the opera than you ever could. You couldn’t even follow the libretto, Donna, because you never bothered to learn Italian, did you? At least the lipstick porpoise had the decency to learn Italian, Donna! Of course it was porpoise Italian, which sounds exactly like porpoise Spanish to me, but hell, I ain’t never studied abroad! I didn’t even study at home. I’m a linguistic failure, Donna, and it’s all that porpoise’s fault. It’s a good thing this opera is all about what sea monkeys do when you refrain from gooshing water all over them. I hope the lipstick porpoise remembered to bring my hearing aid, because I think the main tenor will be portrayed by a real dehydrated sea monkey. The rest of the cast are played by real dehydrated sea monkeys as well, but I’m only interested in the main tenor’s aria. The lipstick porpoise and I will probably sneak out during the intermission and attempt to steal away for a make-out session in the back of the limousine, but I imagine our torrid escapade will be curtailed even before we get to it since the porpoise has no real means of navigating the opera house staircase. Sure, I could probably roll it down the stairs, but then its fins would get all bent up, and who the devil would want to make out with a porpoise with bent-up fins?</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/dbcEICaLYbU">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/fightin-nuthin-aga-the-greatest.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:14:52 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/fightin-nuthin-aga-the-greatest.html <p><em>video description, 2021-07-16</em></p> <p>Dear lord, it’s tropical fish cancer! Tropical fish cancer, not to be confused with tropical fish capricorn, but yes to be infused with a tropical fish blood transfusion from the rare bloodfish tropicalium. Now hurry on down, one and all, to your local tropical fish blood bank, and squeeze every last drop out of those little bastards before tossing them into a bin so that some other, less deserving tropical fish who was drunk driving and wrapped his Toyota Prius around a telephone pole can live to see another sunrise. Yes, it’s Toyotaphone Sunrise, starring Kurt Russell as Dr. Kildaire, and Bonnie Hunt as Dr. Kildaire with a Wig On. The Kildaires’ Family Wig, Thorny, is played by next door neighbor Don DeFore.</p> <p><strong>Episode One: The Uneventful Time Waste.</strong></p> <p>“Dr. Kildaire, Dr. Kildaire, your next bled-out tropical fish patient is waiting to see you, right there in the bin, where I just tossed him.”</p> <p>“Not now, Nurse Me-With-a-Wig-On, another drunken telephone pole has just wrapped his bloodfish tropicalium around a Toyota Prius! Let’s pour donated blood all over them both! Oh? What’s that, Family Wig Thorny who’s played by our next door neighbor? You’re an inanimate object and did not therefore just say something to me, meaning that I’ve responded to absolute silence just now? Don’t worry ole chum, there’s plenty of squeezed-out tropical fish blood for everyo—.”</p> <p>“Dr. Kildaire! Dr. Kildaire! It’s me, Nurse You-with-a-Wig-On again. I’ve just discovered the cure for tropical fish cancer!”</p> <p>“Too bad all the tropical fish who could have availed themselves of it are lying dead in that bin with all their blood squeezed out, eh, Nurse?”</p> <p>“That’s right, hitherto-inanimate-wig-on-the-top-of-my-head-who-has-somehow-suddenly-become-sentient-for-no-reason! And knowing is twice the battle! G.I. Joasdflkahdfladjkfh hlasdkbflksjabf”</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/_ZlzsRiLrGA">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/santron-a-christmas-showcase.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:11:11 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/santron-a-christmas-showcase.html <p><em>video description, 2020-12-18</em></p> <p>Sarah Jane Avory is the master of time and space. She writes books; she makes games; she&rsquo;s better at all of these things than I could ever hope to be. I don&rsquo;t even know how to read. All the words that you see in this description have been dictated, yes, dictated to Sarah Jane Avory, who didn&rsquo;t listen to any of them but happened to spill her glass of egg nog all over the keyboard, and by complete coincidence, caused a short in the electronics which just so happened to make the keyboard generate the exact words I was dictating.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/J1ve_Y-3yRY">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/snowboarding-space-harrier-for-sooitsch.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:08:13 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/snowboarding-space-harrier-for-sooitsch.html <p><em>video description, 2020-07-17</em></p> <p>Oh! My little cheese toast&hellip; I love you with all of my heart. But sadly it can never be. Our respective governments would never approve of this union. This union of cheese and toast. I&rsquo;ll have to scrape my top teeth along the toast, peeling off the cheese into my mouth and de-escalating the tension that exists between our respective governments. If only the cheese people would send an emissary to the people of toast as a signifier of a continued partnership between their two nations, we might be able to achieve a lasting peace, a treaty whereby all the people of cheese and all the toastmen hold hands and gather around the Sacred Oven of Unity, set to Custom Broil, and each people&rsquo;s sacrificial lamb is blessed with the Pepper Shaker of Anointing before being purified in the cleansing flames of Lake Minnetonka&hellip; That ain&rsquo;t Lake Minnetonka. RIP, Prince Rogers Nelson.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/unZ3nr3AS_Q">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/football-heroes-turbo-for-the.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:05:58 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/football-heroes-turbo-for-the.html <p><em>video description, 2020-07-03</em></p> <p>Football Heroes Turbo was conveyed into the world via the phenomenon of parthenogenesis, meaning it had no father. There are some parthenode sharks and I believe there’s a frog parthenode or two, but they don’t associate with the shark ones. For one, if the sharks came to any dinner parties the frogs invited them to, they’d surely die. Have you ever seen a shark balance itself on a lilypad? They fall to their deaths every time. And by fall to their deaths, I mean land in the fresh water beneath the lilypads and succumb to whatever effects ordinarily befall saltwater creatures when exposed to fresh water. Some sharks have been known to get on rather well in fresh water, but I think they secretly found a discarded salt lick, and they just swim around that to evoke nostalgic feelings of home.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/VBk4JQD9Og4">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/sydney-hunter-for-the-saweeetch.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 21:01:33 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/sydney-hunter-for-the-saweeetch.html <p><em>video description, 2020-06-26</em></p> <p>This playthrough features my new hit single, &ldquo;Sydney Hunter is Here to Stay.&rdquo; Please call your local radio station and ask them to play it. Then tell them to call you back and tell you whether they played it or not because&ndash;let&rsquo;s be honest&ndash;nobody listens to radio any more, which exonerates you from having to listen to the guy when he calls to tell you that no, in fact, he did not play it. That&rsquo;s when you start singing it to him and demand that he put you on the air that very instant. Not that anyone will hear you. Hell, you may already be on the air when he calls you. Since nobody is listening, why, it may be YOU who was the radio station all along, and the person you thought was the radio station person, the person you called, was actually&hellip; oh, I&rsquo;ve lost interest in this description.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/UswMdAX1cFo">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/road-redemption-pour-le-suiche.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 09:27:55 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/road-redemption-pour-le-suiche.html <p><em>video description, 2020-06-19</em></p> <p>Road Redemption has to apply a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory face cream every night or else it&rsquo;ll be eaten by the attorney with whom it had made the face cream bloodpact. As I type this there are chupacabra noises emanating from the out of doors, just outside my window. Now I&rsquo;m not saying it&rsquo;s an actual chupacabra making these noises, but whatever it is, it&rsquo;s doing a helluva chupacabra impersonation.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/-Jo3z_Ymy_0">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/dyuuuuuuuuuuuume-for-the-sveetch.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 09:25:05 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/dyuuuuuuuuuuuume-for-the-sveetch.html <p><em>video description, 2020-06-12</em></p> <p>Doom was a new type of steam engine invented in 1878 by Jedediah St. Meatspitoon, who later went on to die a horrific and bloody death in a tragic custard accident, and much much later went on to garner the distinction of being the first corpse with a mustache ever to win the Miss America pageant. Non-mustachioed corpses had been winning for years, you understand, but I, for one, think it’s high time that we gave some of the less pageant-worthy mustaches of the world the chance to attach themselves to the winning Miss America corpses.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/SnBLfn1lRX8">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/starflight-for-the-atari-st.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 09:22:26 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/starflight-for-the-atari-st.html <p><em>video description, 2020-05-15</em></p> <p>Starflight, not to be confused with SlarFtight, is really just your parents dressed up as a spaceship for Christmas pretending to give you presents because they don’t want to take credit for turning you into the spoiled brat you are and because they want to practice lying to you so that they’ve mastered the art by the time you start asking questions about their mistresses and misters, respectively. Starflight can be played by up to one player and features such hits as Do You Know the Way To San The Moon and some other stupid BS dad joke title that I can’t be bothered to come up with.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/GdWGBJNc8Hk">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/road-rash-for-the-amiga.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 09:20:41 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/road-rash-for-the-amiga.html <p><em>video description, 2020-05-11</em></p> <p>Road Rash is similar to other rashes in that it is best treated by the liberal application of ointment. Which ointment, you ask? That’s a wonderful question; I’m glad you asked. But I’m afraid you don’t win the all-expense paid holiday because you forgot to phrase your question in the form of your dad’s question, the correct answer to which is wrong, forfeiting the holiday, the racing stripes, the sealing wax, and the seal that you need to apply it. Only seals may apply this wax, and that’s because they’ve unionized. They’ve also onionized, which led them to caramelize. Their UK cousins across the pond opted rather to caramelise, but the result is the same in both instances. Grilled Onions, served on a bed of iceberg lettuce courtesy of the Ricky von Cheeseburger Factory, LLC. Don’t nobody ever read the descriptions. If you have, though, send me a secret letter to my username at gmail and let me know how proud of you you think I should be.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/ijyxvGXOt7c">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/beyond-dark-castle-for-the.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 09:15:22 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/beyond-dark-castle-for-the.html <p><em>video description, 2019-10-24</em></p> <p>Beyond Dark Castle for the C64 is the sequel to Sitting Around and Waiting for Them to Build Dark Castle, an obscure little game that died of a heart attack long before it ever managed to exist. Please consult the American Heart Association for details on how to be American if you plan on having a heart attack of your own.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/8mDgfcg-fi0">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/keystone-kapers-spotlight.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 09:13:39 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/keystone-kapers-spotlight.html <p><em>video description, 2019-10-02</em></p> <p>Keystone Kapers, also kalled Flinders rose, is a perennial plant that bears rounded, fleshy leaves and large white to pinkish-white flowers. The plant is best known for the edible flower buds, often used as a seasoning, and the fruit, both of which are usually konsumed pickled. The Keystone variety of this plant has a mustache and a nightstick, the self-same nightstick that the gaggle of baby seals used to club it to death every morning right before supper. This practice ceased once the seals pooled their gold for a daystick, which they then used to club it back to life every evening after breakfast.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/kQX2KIG4eQg">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/answers-to-your-questions-part.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 09:10:50 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/answers-to-your-questions-part.html <p><em>video description, 2019-06-22</em></p> <p>The long-delayed second part of my Q&amp;A video. Answering everything in one go would make for a really long video, so I&rsquo;m splitting it into parts. And it appears I&rsquo;m also waiting nine months between posts. Why? Because it&rsquo;s in my contract that I must sire one child for every Answers video. These children will grow up to fight one another to the death with rubber spoons, and the winner among them will fulfill his or her destiny as The Chosen One. As the Chosen One, he or she will inherit a lifetime supply of rubber spoons, each containing a different savory delight that must be tasted, ranked and cataloged in our superior anarcho-syndicalist filing cabinets, hand-owned by their creators, with little regard for traditional hierarchical structures. These filing cabinets will then go on to fight one another to the life by siring children, and the winner among them will go on to fulfill his or her destiny as a lifetime supply of anarcho-delights, hand-savored by their spoons, with little regard for taste, rank or catalog number. Taste, rank and catalog number! Under the rules of the Geneva Convention, that&rsquo;s all you&rsquo;re compelled to give your wartime captors. Good, Chosen One, 3! It&rsquo;s also the combination to launch the missiles, so try not to get captured.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/L6iy_gDlt8M">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/my-favourite-racing-game-a.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 09:07:53 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/my-favourite-racing-game-a.html <p><em>video description, 2019-06-19</em></p> <p>I captured the video at 480 interlaced. I&rsquo;m sure it&rsquo;ll look terrible, but what do you want from me? I&rsquo;m not your servant. Oh wait, yes I am. I am your humble servant. If I was a bee I&rsquo;d be your bumble servant. As it is, I&rsquo;m Aunt Bee from the Andy Griffith Show, and if you think I&rsquo;m going to give you the recipe for my prize-winning pickles, you&rsquo;ve got another think&hellip; Okay, it&rsquo;s gasoline. The secret ingredient is gasoline. I don&rsquo;t soak the pickles in it so much as I just drink a gallon or so as the judges are approaching my table. Then they&rsquo;re so intimidated that they give me the pickle prize out of sheer terror of my wrath. My mome wrath. It outgrabes, you know.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/2Gh74MKTFj8">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/i-finally-post-my-extradelirious.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 09:04:59 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/i-finally-post-my-extradelirious.html <p><em>video description, 2019-04-10</em></p> <p>Haiku OS appeared to me in a dream and told me to bring its message of sharing and caring to Sharon and Karen. Sharon and Karen Grumblethwap of 20 East West Porridge Lane, Sierra Nevada Foothills, 9021Foot. This video has been sitting on my hard drive, aging like a fine cheese that has been left out to ruin. So ruin it. And ruin my life! Oh, if I only knew how much I meant to me, why, I might even give me a kiss. Give me a kiss right on the inside of my own mouth, which I’ve been licking for months now. That’s the tragedy of life, isn’t it? That we all go round licking the insides of our own mouths. Goodnight, my love. I shall never forget me.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/_57rqRPdmNA">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/get-irc-on-a-commodore.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 08:57:04 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/get-irc-on-a-commodore.html <p><em>video description, 2017-05-13</em></p> <p><strong>Things to do:</strong> [x] Forget to Put Links in Description [x] Write Note Reminding Self to Put Links [ ] Remember to Look at Note</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/Cr3EB2aNaac">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/passing-shot-for-the-c.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 08:52:59 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/passing-shot-for-the-c.html <p><em>video description, 2016-06-14</em></p> <p>Passing Shot is what happens when you’re diabetic but you’re running from the law and you don’t have time to take your insulin and so you call up your little buddy and he runs alongside you and administers the injection before running faster than you and winning the race which I forgot to tell you you were running to begin with. The law was also running the race, which is why you were running from them to begin wi… you know what, this description is stupid.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/KlY8EAyeLaE">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/qbert-rebooted-on-steam.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 08:50:06 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/qbert-rebooted-on-steam.html <p><em>video description, 2012-04-09</em></p> <p>When cares which this video is about? You do, that’s what! Something-something Q-bert. Be sure to click the link to something completely unrelated and remember to unsubscribe if you’re already a subscriber.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/gdHSoz6zSbw">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/quick-cuts-qwak-for-the.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 08:41:14 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/quick-cuts-qwak-for-the.html <p><em>video description, 2013-10-18</em></p> <p>In this video we discuss the very excellent me getting mauled by a bear, released from the zoo and the orphanage in 1993 to great acclaim. The bear, fresh from the orphanage, toddled right over to the zoo that I&rsquo;d just been released from, introduced itself, and then mauled me with all the zeal and earnest of a fresh-off-the-farm zealot named Earnest. Earnest Ze-a-lot, for those of you scoring at home.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/g2Wer00amls">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/quick-cuts-warheads-part-of.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 08:39:26 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/quick-cuts-warheads-part-of.html <p><em>video description, 2013-03-19</em></p> <p>In this video I talk about the games of video and then I stop talking about the games of video because I&rsquo;m mauled by a bear. If you&rsquo;re reading this, call the cops and have that bear arrested for setting forest fires. I think it was that forest fire bear that does all the public service announcements. Woodsy Owl, I think his name was.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/9Z3iMDC3fQo">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/micropolis-open-source-port-of.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 08:37:19 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/micropolis-open-source-port-of.html <p><em>video description, 2013-03-16</em></p> <p>Micropolis is made from the finest wheats and barleys, hand-cut and delivered fresh to your door daily by wholesome, down-to-earth folk who take pride in what they do. After a long day they just want to pull their pants down and go peepee in the counting house. Is that too much to ask, your lordship?</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/l2flOZ96_fM">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/dark-chambers-for-the-atari.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 08:32:38 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/dark-chambers-for-the-atari.html <p><em>video description, 2012-11-29</em></p> <p>Diane Chambers was a character in Cheers, the blonde one. You remember, the one played by Woody Harrelson. Remember? The waitress who married Frazier? And was later decapitated in a horrible stilts accident? No, not that one. The one standing next to her. Anyway she loved playing 7800 and so they named this game after her but spelled her first name wrong.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/775VvpjObms">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/21/bnq-for-the-atari.html Sat, 21 Feb 2026 08:30:59 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/21/bnq-for-the-atari.html <p><em>video description, 2012-11-28</em></p> <p>B<em>nq is a wonderful Q</em>Bert port brought to the Atari 7800 by Ken &ldquo;Beef Drop&rdquo; Siders. I think Beef Drop needs to find its way betwixt more people&rsquo;s first and surnames. Mary &ldquo;Beef Drop&rdquo; Scots. His Eminence Francis &ldquo;Beef Drop&rdquo; Arinze. Cthu &ldquo;Beef Drop&rdquo; Lu. Can you spot the edit? It&rsquo;s rather obvious.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/Q-HSfDSDM4Q">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/20/beef-drop-for-the-atari.html Fri, 20 Feb 2026 10:09:38 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/20/beef-drop-for-the-atari.html <p><em>video description, 2012-11-28</em></p> <p>Beef Drop, as you well know, ran for President in 3008 but was beaten in the election by a collection of paper hats and plastic spoons, the campaign slogan of which was, &ldquo;Spoon Hat 3008: Dance For Me!&rdquo; And although its foreign policy led to the destruction of all humanity, humanity itself was to blame. Whenever asked for an outline of said policy, Spoon Hat 3008 would always reply, &ldquo;the destruction of all humanity. Don&rsquo;t vote for me. I&rsquo;m serious about this.&rdquo;</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/riqY5LLDd1A">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/20/rampage-for-the-atari.html Fri, 20 Feb 2026 10:08:17 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/20/rampage-for-the-atari.html <p><em>video description, 2012-11-27</em></p> <p>Rampage was originally written in Turbo Basic C Pascal for the 9&quot; Vectrometerscope and converted to a variety of platforms and religions before settling on the PS3 and being Amish.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/cdUZZdb_NxM">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/20/pirates-for-the-macintosh.html Fri, 20 Feb 2026 10:01:52 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/20/pirates-for-the-macintosh.html <p><em>video description, 2012-04-09</em></p> <p>Arrrrrrrrrr! If you were a cheerleader on a Pirate ship, you could only demand they give you a single letter. &ldquo;Gimme an&hellip;&rdquo; What&rsquo;s it spell? I don&rsquo;t know, but I think if you were a cheerleader on a pirate ship, which letter they gave you would be the least of your worries.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/n_2xxqbyBZk">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/19/video-description-beyond-dark-castle.html Thu, 19 Feb 2026 09:55:27 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/19/video-description-beyond-dark-castle.html <p><em>video description, 2012-04-09</em></p> <p>Beyond Dark Castle was published in 1987 by Silicon Beach Software. As beaches go, being made out of silicon isn&rsquo;t all that impressive. Most beaches are made of it, which is to say that they&rsquo;re made of sand, which is largely comprised of silicon. Other ingredients in sand are, in alphabetical order: Butter, Sour Cream, Capital Gains Tax, Character Actor Donald Meek, Molybdenum, Butter Jr., and Sand. This concludes our tour of the world&rsquo;s beaches. Please keep your fingers clear of the snapping postcards but feel free to peruse the deadly giant crabs in our gift shop.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/YlvpXNLIEqA">the video itself</a></p> https://pacbilly.com/2026/02/19/video-description-dark-castle-for.html Thu, 19 Feb 2026 09:50:36 -0600 http://pacbilly.micro.blog/2026/02/19/video-description-dark-castle-for.html <p><em>video description, 2012-04-09</em></p> <p>PacBilly.com, my micro.blog site, is the new home for all my silliest YouTube video descriptions. Also movie recommendations, if you&rsquo;re into that sort of thing. It appears my very first video description worthy of the archive was posted on April 9, 2012, which also happened to be my brother&rsquo;s 28th birthday. Enjoy.</p> <p>Dark Castle was published for the Macintosh in 1986 by Silicon Beach software. Although ported to many other platforms, there is still no substitute for the original. This lies in stark contrast to my fourth grade teacher, Miss Giblets, for whom there was often a substitute, owing to her preoccupation with the having of babies and the selling of drugs. By fourth grade teacher I mean mother. By babies I mean me. And by drugs I mean meats and cheeses of every kind.</p> <p><a href="https://youtu.be/OjtjVS7VFFY">the video itself</a></p>