video description, 2022-10-21
Yes, friends, we rejoin our hapless hero as he plunges headlong once again into the love/hate tempest that is his relationship with Return to Dark Castle, a game everyone but killgruz has long since stopped playing. Yet today, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you a special milestone in our hero’s treaculating progress—an acquisition widely regarded as a hurdle hitherto unscalable, a powerup necessary to complete the game, though completing it isn’t likely to happen for years to come, at this rate anyway.
Now that I have your attention, please let me talk to you about Truthpaste, ladies and gentlemen, yes Truthpaste—the only toothpaste about which it’s necessary to lie. No longer will you have the trust of your parents as you tell them that, yes, in fact, you did brush your teeth. For you see, every mouth with which Truthpaste comes into contact is compelled to tell only falsehoods, thanks to that one glistening drop of retsyn and a new type of decptifluoride that only we at Truthpaste Holdings can see and hear.
‘Sure, Baxter, but does it clean my teeth?’ I hear you say. We’ll let the testimonials speak for themselves:
“No, officer, I didn’t just chop up the postman and bury bits of him all over my garden, wherever it appeared might be a good place to grow tomatoes, even though I should have because my brutally slain, chopped-up postman was made of tomatoes, you know.”