video description, 2023-10-31
Yes, I was using the microphone on my webcam, clear across town, rather than the mic I thought I was using, mere inches from my mouth. I don’t care whether you forgive me or not, frankly. I’m not sorry, and I’m not sorry for butchering your name, Mitch Crane. I butchered your name into tiny pieces, Mitch Crane, and now there are only two syllables left, to be divided amongst your name’s heirs.
Its son took the syllable Mitch and enjoys going on long walks on the beach and not having any legs for going on long walks on the beach. Its other son, the beach, took the syllable Crane and enjoys stealing its older brother’s legs lest he subject him to another walking-on. I mean a walk-on bit role in the latest episode of Columbo, where Peter Falk’s corpse says, “One more thing. You know, my wife loves murdering. Do you suppose she’s the murderer instead of you, who I plainly watched do it? Do you suppose that, the beach?! TELL ME.”
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it was The Beach Crane, in the parlor with the lead pipe, wearing a blue sweatsuit provided by Adrian. Sweatsuits by Adrian, read the credits. Now go watch the documentary about Adrian. Seriously, there’s a documentary about Adrian of Gowns by Adrian fame. If only I had a mononym. If I was the older brother, my mononym could be Mitch. But woe and alas, I AM my older brother and it is Mitch.