video description, 2021-10-09
Tsunami or Bear: Which is better to have come up to you? by Lord Richard Buttock Saint-Chutney
The debate over bears and tsunami about which is better to have come up to you has raged for years, and since neither side has claimed victory, let us consider this the definitive treatise on the matter, driving the final nail into the coffin of the discussion once and for all.
Regarding tsunamis and bears, when considering which one is better to have come up to you, it’s important to first consider distance. Most tsunami need to travel quite a distance before coming all the way up to you. Indeed it could be argued that a tsunami must begin coming up to you before it could even be counted as a tsunami. And then you have your own location to consider. Are you somewhere way high up? Halfway up a mountain, for instance? Now what if a bear lives on that mountain, and it’s coming up to you from the other direction? It has been noted by several scholars that bears can often detect tsunamis, and if you happen to be in a place that one of them is coming up to, a bear would probably opt to come up to something else, something away from the tsunami. But what if the bear was hungry, and you were carrying a Snickers bar, the bear’s favourite? Keep in mind that it’s also the tsunami’s favorite, but it really doesn’t matter since that particular tsunami doesn’t have any choice in whether it comes up to you or not. So now you’re halfway up a mountain, and a tsunami has already started coming up to you. The bear, who’s the other halfway up, smells Snickers.
It should be noted that bears possess an excellent sense of smell. Just one sense of smell shared among all bears. A bear can smell toothpaste inside the tube from a mile off. Take this to mind next time you see hundreds of grizzlies gathered in a circle two miles in diameter, inhaling through their noses. That’s when you know there’s some toothpaste a mile away, at the center of the circle. Why, just how do you think toothpaste was discovered in the first place? Some brave pioneer was trying to use a giant protractor to draw out the bear smelling circle. Imagine his surprise when the pointy end stabbed right through the heart of an unsuspecting Colgate tube. That’s why today we floss with only half the normal length of string on St. Fluoride’s Day. The tube was survived by its wife, actress Jane Seymour, and its son from a previous marriage, Jane Seymour, Jr. A small interdenominational funerary service will be held on the second Thursday of every month. In lieu of sending flowers, the family ask that those wishing to express their condolences rub lotion all over themselves.