video description, 2021-07-17
Listen Donna, I’m going to put some porpoise lipstick on that porpoise over there and take it to the opera instead of you. Yes, Donna, I’m doing it to hurt you the way you’ve hurt me, but I’m also doing it to save your life. I know it sounds like I’m being vindictive, and I am, but I’m also saving your life, because you, Donna, are a sablefish. A porpoise will survive much longer at the opera than you ever could. You couldn’t even follow the libretto, Donna, because you never bothered to learn Italian, did you? At least the lipstick porpoise had the decency to learn Italian, Donna! Of course it was porpoise Italian, which sounds exactly like porpoise Spanish to me, but hell, I ain’t never studied abroad! I didn’t even study at home. I’m a linguistic failure, Donna, and it’s all that porpoise’s fault. It’s a good thing this opera is all about what sea monkeys do when you refrain from gooshing water all over them. I hope the lipstick porpoise remembered to bring my hearing aid, because I think the main tenor will be portrayed by a real dehydrated sea monkey. The rest of the cast are played by real dehydrated sea monkeys as well, but I’m only interested in the main tenor’s aria. The lipstick porpoise and I will probably sneak out during the intermission and attempt to steal away for a make-out session in the back of the limousine, but I imagine our torrid escapade will be curtailed even before we get to it since the porpoise has no real means of navigating the opera house staircase. Sure, I could probably roll it down the stairs, but then its fins would get all bent up, and who the devil would want to make out with a porpoise with bent-up fins?